Week 7: Sex Should Be Pressure-Free

Discussion Questions

1. Sheila opens by sharing her experience while engaged reading The Act of Marriage. She ends with this: “It turned sex from a knowing to an owing.” Does that resonate with you?
2. Have you heard the obligation sex message, that women must give their husbands sex whenever he wants it? Where did you hear this from? How did it affect you? Did it change how you saw sex or your spouse?
3. Our survey found that believing the obligation sex message left women at a higher risk of developing primary sexual pain. Why do you think so many women’s bodies react so violently to this message?
4. How do we recognize the fact that we are the only possible sexual partner our spouses have without resorting to threats or entitlement around sex?
5. We shared stories in these chapters about women in our focus groups whose husbands were monumental in their recovery from the obligation sex message. Why do you think it’s so easy for many women to believe they can’t say no to sex without realizing their husbands don’t actually feel that way?
6. Evangelical teachings about sex can, unfortunately, be very coercive and manipulative, erasing women’s ability to consent. Have you heard any threatening or manipulating messages about sex? How has that affected you? How can we better protect everyone’s sexual autonomy, even in marriage?
7. In general, women who enjoy sex tend to not believe the obligation sex message and also don’t tend to stop having sex! If this is the case, why do you think evangelical books have focused so much on the obligation message if focusing on women’s pleasure gets similar results, but without the harm?