Week 4: The Gatekeeping Message

Discussion Questions

1. Did you hear the “gatekeeping message” growing up, that girls need to make sure boys don’t go too far? Did you hear that boys will try to push your sexual boundaries? Or were you taught a healthier message? How did what you were taught affect you?
2. Were you told anything similar to what Rebecca was taught in her youth group about virginity? How did that change how you saw yourself? How did that change how you saw others?
3. Believing the gatekeeping message in high school damages sex lives and marriages later down the line. What about this message do you think makes it so harmful when it comes to future sexual enjoyment for women?
4. In our focus groups, many women discussed different versions of “spectator-ing” when it comes to sex. That they couldn’t ever relax, but always had to keep watch. Have you experienced this? How do you think we can protect girls from dissociating from their bodies while still teaching both our girls and boys to maintain healthy sexual boundaries?
5. If you did hear the gatekeeping message or any purity-culture teachings on virginity, what do you wish you had learned back then instead?
6. We talk a lot about the arousal piece in this chapter. Why do you think so many couples skip the arousal step and go straight to sex? How can we start to see arousal as just as important as intercourse, and not an inconvenience?